There are quite a number of things you can do with furniture, besides the obvious things like sitting on them and using them for the traditions things that they were expressly constructed for. Using oak furniture as firewood can bring an exquisitely decadent twist to your lifestyle. Imagine telling all your friends that you burned an antique piece of ornately carved oak furniture to cinders, the look of horror on their faces when you tell them that they’re next. You fetch the axe from the garden and brandish it menacingly in front of them. The small one - Graham - goes down first, he snaps in half like kindling, fuel for the fire. Thomas is the next to go; he takes a couple of swings, ruining your shirt with a thick spray of internal claret. Susan’s screams pierce the air, it was a good thing you soundproofed the house, otherwise what would the neighbors say? Look, she even tries to run, but you catch up to her easily as the fool ran upstairs. She begs for her life, rather pitifully. A wry smile forms on your lips as you raise the axe above your head, only to bring it down on her feet, the force of the blow severing both of them completely and the axe bites into the hardwood floor. She’s going into shock now; she doesn’t understand what’s happening. But you do, you know every precise thing that you’re doing, you’re a monster and have been planning this for weeks, but never quite expected it to be this much fun. A final blow to the middle of her chest caves her ribcage in, puncturing both lungs simultaneously. Blood bubbles form at her mouth, popping all the while, spattering your face with a fine mist. She breathes her last.